HAVE YOU READ ME???
Had been to the Ramakrishna Mutt yesterday. The book shelf invited us and in we went to explore the ocean of wisdom. Every book was impressive and each book posed a question to me. The Ramakrishna from the book asked me.."Do you know me". The book on Vivekananda asked me "Have you read me", The philosophical books curiously questioned me "Have you even browsed through me"...and the answer to every question was a "NO". I immediately thought that I will buy all the books and read them one by one. But wait...would I really do it. Or will the books lie in my home library just like all the other books. Is there any difference between the books being at home and here. I would anyway go back to my routine of busy life. Where is the time to read. So, thinking I just picked few small books that would help me cope with my day to day problems. The books on fear, will power and other personality development books.
As I sat rocking in the jhula of my balcony enjoying the cool breeze, I allowed myself to be blown over my the endless thoughts that flowed in and out. I caught one of them and pondered. "Why didn't I buy the books". Atleast, when I see them at home, I would atleast feel guilty of not reading them. Time and again, I would be reminded that there is something for me: something that I have to do for myself , something which will help me introspect and improve my relations, my personalty, my attitude.
All of a sudden the other part of my mind consoled me. "Hey vasu, you are a gruhini, you have a family. You want to abandon your duties and read such things. Where is the time? You are a wife, a mother, a working professional, a teacher. You adorn so many roles. Where the hell do you have time?. If you keep reading these and introspecting, you think you will do justice to yourself and family? Come on Vasu. These things can be learnt when you grow old. What else will you do when you are old. Don't feel guilty, there is nothing to feel bad about it.
The conflict deepened when the Satvic mind intervened .."Tough you are a working professional, a mother, a wife and a teacher, why do u think u still worry? There are traces of fear, doubt, unhappiness now and then in your life. Why are you not able to balance them? Reading such philosophy does'nt get a detachment from you. No Hindu scripture tells a gruhasta/gruhini to get detached and leave family. Every holy book prescribes that you have to do you duty".
"Oh..yes. ", interrutped the tamasic mind. That is what you are doing!! your duty!!!. When you are already doing your duty without reading the books, why then read them at all."
"Then why are you unhappy? Why is NOT an ever lasting happiness in you.?" The tamasic mind was silent.
There is a difference between doing your duty without understanding what our scripures say and doing our duty after knowing the intention of what the vedas teach. All vedic rituals, vedanta tell us to do our duty but with detachment. It tells us and teaches us about how to do this and what is the outcome by doing duty with detachment. And that is the difference. When you do your duty and expectations, it brings in disappointment due to which anger , hatred, delusion and total chaos in the inner self sets in. And when your inner self is disturbed, it shows up on your outer self too. But when you understand the intention of your karma, and do it selflessly, you tend to avoid expectation thereby reduce your stress, anger which breed positive vibrations. And Success is bound to follow you. So, you see the difference. But, lack of expectation is not a lack of planning and forseeing results. One must plan and execute his/her actions with the goal in mind. You must put in your best for this goal. But the result of the goal must not affect you. Work for the same sake of work with love and dedication. It is indeed difficult but with practise and determination, it surely is possible.
Our great acharyas and rishis have said it all in their teachings. All we have to do is read the, understand, introspect, seek and follow them. The rest will be taken care.
My mind was clear now and I did feel a sense of peace that my confusion was cleared. But if I left it at this, it would be confusion once again. I have to dwell in these thoughts and make an effort to read, grasp, comprehend and practise the rules and teachings by our great teachers. "No time" is an excuse, "NO priority" is the right reason. When we set right priorities, we get the right results.